December diary

And so I'm back. That was like last year since my last post... last year uh!

Well, December holidays has always been my most awaited season every year since my younger days, and I celebrated it as how it should be. Parties and get togethers, drinks and foods, friends, family and lover, plus money. Not much though but they all made me busy and that colds-cough-fever scenario never stopped me from enjoying the holidays. In fact right now I still have virus of those since I can't get myself to rest well.

DEC 21

Another party and this time a lot more fun than the 6th's. With me were my teammates and some superiors, and of course Buddy who should be with me all the time if possible, according to him. We prefer to go somewhere relaxing, where we can feel we are away from a stressful job. Overlooking the whole city where you can only see the lights from buildings and establishments you are having hard time recognizing, the air so cool, trees and plants around, huts and small cottages, you can only hear your voice singing duet with the breeze in that hill top, instead of the horns from big trucks.
An uphill climb to the area was breathtaking but real fun having those cool people around you. Simple dinner, taking pictures, games, some drinks and karaoke made the whole night perfect. Good thing I wasn't drunk then but not much worry if I was, no work for the following day.

DEC 25

Unfortunately, we celebrated Christmas in the office. Fortunate still because of a very delicious noche buena. It did not feel foreign to me at all though it was my first Christmas away from home and my family. Not really away. Still fun coz next day's going to be a bit of rest. Thanks for giving us a break. So Jun, Apol and I had some drink at the route stop to celebrate this day. Another simple yet fun celebration.

DEC 26

This day is the most special. This is my day! My birthday!!! God I'm old! And I'm celebrating this day with Buddy, celebrating our first year anniversary. A year of arguments and joys, laughters and almost-to-giving-up-situations, holding back and bursting out, forgetting and remembering. A pat on the shoulder for both of us surpassing all those negatives and a handshake for all the positives.

One of my fave cousins, Henry, came home to celebrate Christmas with us. I counted the days and it's been a year now that Manila has been her nest and we all missed her alot. We had party all night, drinks, foods from some other people's party (hahahaha!), friends who I also missed like how I missed Henry. I don't need much of unimportant people, few specials will surely do and run the party, and that's what happened. After a case and a half, I guess, or more I think, we were ready to dance our butts off, not in a bar though, but somewhere more fun than being in a bar.
I know for sure we all had the best fun and enjoyment, SPECIALLY Buddy.


Not a day in December I never looked forward to. Aside from work was never so stressfull like how it normally is, I know everyday is like party and celebration. Seeing everybody happy with the most delicious foods on their table, children caroling in the street, Christmas songs on the radio, lanterns and Christmas lights everywhere, bonuses and higher pay than the usual, presents, new clothes and things, nothing can be more happier than that. Even just the thought of that.

Nothing has changed in me when it talks about those things during Christmas, I suddenly realized. Though a lot of me has been 'modified', still I do things how I love and like them to be.

Breaking off

Work earlier was not good. Shift ended with anger... for whom? For my job which is very destructive and deadly(despite the fact I'm earning handsomely)? Or for myself coz I was not able to control my badmouth and I bursted out?

Afterwards, I felt so tired and I don't know why.

Maybe I just really need a serious break. I've been "breaking" for couple of times and I think it's no longer good. Well, I really don't give a damn care coz right now I want to have a break! And I don't think all those breaks were enough, so this time, this "break", I should take things seriously. I need to accomplish what needs to be done. I gotta call in the office so I can be absent today then unwind and relax, think things over, ponder on some mistakes, contemplate on decisions I have to make. In that way I'll get refreshed.

I guess I need to give myself consideration for all the confusions and irrationality of my young mind. But being young is never an excuse for me and it'll be obvious bias if I'll put the blame about me being young.

Honestly, I'm having hard time identifying the things I need to work on to. But not as difficult as before. Now, I'm just not being consistent of my action plans that's why I'm so inconsistent of myself as well. Nobody, including me, wants to be called a jerk or be considered as someone having personality problems. Buddy once shouted at me about that thing and I was really hurt.

I'm trying to become a better person coz I feel like I'm a selfish daughter to my mom. Sometimes I can't give her what she exactly needs (FYI: I'm the chief income earner since Dad is no longer working). But to defend myself, I also have to leave something for me coz I'm going back to school next year, and I'm giving more than half of my monthly personal income.

I feel like I'm a bad friend. I can't seem to make my friends laugh all the time and I'm not like someone else who can crack the best jokes and say to others happenings of their everyday life, shameful or funny it may come out. Well, I'm just doing what is comfortable for me. I don't want to drown myself in embarrassment if ever I'll do that.

I feel like I'm not a deserving girlfriend for Buddy. Why? This sounds so silly but this is how I feel. I'm not like her ex-girlfriend/bestfriend. Not as nice and saintly-like as her. Not as rich and prominent as her. Simply not like her, and couple of things which does not contain reasonable words at all. I hate the vanity in me.

I have been telling myself that everyone is unique in their own way. But still I keep on wanting what other people possess without knowing that they might envy what I have that they don't also possess. Trying to emitate what "goodness" they have. This is so not me, so these should not pursue. I am a woman of straight, strong principle, and I'll never let the things I want make me forget the things I already have.

Others may think I am being so self-centered for what I confessed about what I'm feeling, but hell may care, I won't get anything by keeping inside what's hurting me so much.

This is just because of stress. Gotta take a break.

One Night One Stage

I'm currently in my moment of "breaking" then I found this link something about cancer and found out it's all about the September 5th Stand Up 2 Cancer Show. I've heard of this event but never really paid much attention. Since I'm "breaking" I tried to go to the details further since I also have the luxury of time to do so. I found an article of Gina Telaroli's Top 10 Cancer Movies That'll Make You Stand Up (http://www.takepart.com/2008/09/04/top-10-cancer-movies-thatll-make-you-stand-up/).

I'm now surfing Youtube.com at the same time and found a live performance video JUST STAND UP (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_V53NqovXvA), I care to take a glimpse of it since I read Mariah Carey's name. When I saw the video, live during the SU2C Show (Stand Up 2 Cancer Show), I, "oh!", these two are perfectly related. How nice! I really like the song (JUST STAND UP), the lyrics so enlightening and encouraging specially to those who lost all hopes about living because of cancer. Seeing the spectacular line up of women talent, the marvelous stage, lively band playing, audience cheering and standing up will surely live out the dying hope in you.

I took this vid for the lyrics, check it out, it might make you smile also




Surfing through and through trying to find a video of the show (live), I found this, a highlight from the Stand Up 2 Cancer Show. Since I did not found a video for the live show, I decided to post this one which is trully inspiring also.





All the videos I watched, articles and posts I read and the song I listened almost brought me to tears. Everyone is doing the greatest thing they can contribute to change the face of cancer forever. That event started the end of cancer.

Better off

I was supposed to post the video itself, unfortunately "embedding disabled by request".

Mariah looks great in this video if I would to compare it to her new singles I STAY IN LOVE. She acts far better than the latter video. She manifests more emotions and the effect of black and white adds character to it and to Mariah, herself.

Check this out guys...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUviLieA_kY

Smiling upon lose

People come and go, indeed Martin.

It's been a month or so when some of my workmates, teammates to be specific, were promoted, some were transferred and the others left for good. I felt so happy for them coz I knew it's where they wanted to be, and I know they'd be happier. But at the same time, it's a real sad moment of my life also. Just when you're getting closer and more comfortable with them... fate took them away.


Mr. Trulli

Bald, tall, sexy... and I used to "bully" him. Well, not really "bully", but I did not treat him real right when, in fact, he is such a nice man. There were those times I embarrassed him in front of our teammates through jokes. I guess there were also times when I was serious. I don't know what came to up to my mind why sometimes I go beyond what's reasonable. He's not handsome but real good-looking person, no wonder Jun likes him so much... obsessed, I guess. hehe! And one thing I like about him is his willingness to listen about your sentiments and dramas in life. I know a bit of his past good enough to say recovering wasn't easy for him, and here is this man who is more than willing to know your flaws when I think it should be us, who's experiences were not even half bad as what he experienced, yet we are racing who should talk first. His open-mindedness about almost all the things in life. How he's trying to make up for all he missed due to reckless young mind. How loving he is for the woman of his life now. How he values his soon-to-become-a-father. Those are just some of the things I know about him but failed to realize everyday. He was promoted and I never thought we'd miss him like this intense.


Gee

Medium height, more than chubby, less than a talker yet really intellectual. Never thought we'd be closer than I imagined we will be. First impression: BORING! But to be honest, she's not. She can crack jokes and utter words you never think a Gee would ever say. Serious she may look like, but funny when she talks. hahaha!! Tsk... aahh!!! I was under the impression that she's a symbol of secrecy but she's not... such a GOSSIP GIRL!!! hehehehe! But I actually learned a lot from her, from people to things, books to movies, malice to devil-may-care. She has never tried having a boyfriend but I bet she's gonna have one soon, someone she calls her IDEAL MAN- Derek Ramsey or Doug Kramer feature will be OK for her. hehehe! Now she's leaving for Singapore next year and we pray for all the good things to happen in her life there. I'm soon to lose one buddy here in the Phil.



Ciuda

A girl of her age, stable-life in general and lovelife as well, with a clear direction of her future.
We never get so close but we go out together with the same circle of friends, and in fact, her and her boyfriend-soon-to-be-husband's home is what we have come to consider our party place. Such an accomodating person really. At first, you might get intimated but she is just so natural and true. Now, same with Mr. Trulli, she was promoted. I can still remember how she, with all effort, beg our Sup to have her transferred back to our team. It was just a day after her promotion. Seeing her these days made me say I had the luxury of time knowing her but I didn't make use of it but no regrets at all coz we've got more worthwhile moments now. We "party" for reason. She got promoted with Jamie and Pigz.

Apol

Petite and looks single. Well, she is! But she's got her precious li'l Sam, her only child. She got pregnant at an early age, and if you were to ask her, she'd answer, " I used to be so rebellious so it pays everything." But now, I can tell her life is totally different from what she used to live. She is a strong woman, I can see. From all those experiences I don't think she will easily give up life's rudeness and selfishness. I appreciate everytime she shows interest in knowing some details of my 'confused' life. Such a vivid and happy person really.

They are just some of those people who marked my life with meaning and importance. Their lose means so much difference and loneliness, but I know I can cope up with it.

Don't cry because it' over, smile because it happened.