I am alone

I am so preoccupied with nothing. So tired of thinking how to escape. I don't want to think of anything, I guess that's what I exactly want to do. I want to calm down and relax from the fast pace life I am living. I want to slow down so I can appreciate those little things that's coming in my life, I want to absorb every single, simple and nonsense things I am hearing for I know it teaches me more of what life really is, which I think I fail to do for so long. Really so long.

I want to escape from this world where I am now, if only I can. I don't want to think of any responsibilities even just for now. I don't want to think of work and performances, and if possible not work at all. I want to forget the debts I have. I want to eliminate from my thoughts the expected large amount of expenses for the coming Holidays. I just simply want to feel those people who are playing important roles in my life.

I want to go to paradise and clear myself from any thoughts that's bothering me right now and I want to have them with me. I am expecting to hear words from them good enough to comfort me. I am not searching for intelligent and knowledgeable people who can give me the most practical advise. I only want those who I love so dearly- and loving me more in return. Unfortunately, they are not around to rescue me from this drowning of loneliness and boredom I am experiencing. I turn my head but no one is really around. I am alone. No response from them after I shouted for help. I guess I have to leave for paradise alone and lighten my emotions all by myself.

I need to understand that things doesn't always have to happen on how you want it to be.



And suddenly, after a very long moment of being alone, I realized that what I actually want to do is settle things down. Which is also the right thing to do. There's no escaping in this world of reality. I need to put things back in it's place.

The previous year and this year made me experience the bitterness of life and of how it feels when you don't think of any responsibilities, though in reality, you have a lot to look after. I am feeling all the regrets I should feel and it's hurting so much. It feels like there's no other way out. It's making me cry.

But at the same time, behind the pain and regrets, I need to see what more it's giving to me-realization and renewal of one's self. I need to look straight so I can make my dreams possible. So I can attain what I want in life which I already buried in forgetting for so long.

Two years of Darkness and Depression is enough for me to have a lifetime of Light, Success and Happiness.